i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
