i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I was not drunk enough for that final.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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