It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
