And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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