you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize