just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
