At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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