TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
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