i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I AM VODKA MAN
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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