Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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