How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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