she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
