I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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