As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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