Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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