So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
