the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
