I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
