GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
