Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
