am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
