dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
