I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
