There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Even my vagina gasped.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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