turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
