this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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