Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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