This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize