Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
