If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
People in love make me want to vomit
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
