after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
