oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize