i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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