i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
