u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
