Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
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