I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
