At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
