She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
