why didn't you poke me back
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You're like the curious george of whores
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
