I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize