hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
