he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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