i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i dont even know how to be here
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
