just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
