the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
