In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
