Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
