Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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