the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
