In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He shit in the fireplace
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
