I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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