my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
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