Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
