Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
