Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
