JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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