I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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