she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You pole danced in your parka.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
