If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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