I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
