Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
