Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
