What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
