Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
