He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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