'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
