These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Randomize
