Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Randomize